I hadn’t intended on being a stay-at-home mum (SAHM), it kind of just happened. I’d left university and moved in with Martin, and we discussed what would happen now with regards to work and childcare for Lily. After the palava I had at university, I just really wanted a break from everything, so I was quite happy to stay at home and look after Lily and the house while Martin found work. In hindsight, I probably would have found a job if I’d known it was going to take us so long to find work for Martin – it took a year! This was mainly due to the fact that he was a young parent with Lily, meaning that he had no real work background or experience – and in todays world you need experience to get a job; but you need a job for the experience! It became quite infuriating at times, we just wanted someone to give him a chance! Luckily, a company took a chance with Martin and he’s been flying ever since! But within that year I fell pregnant with William, sealing the deal for continuing to be a SAHM.
So, what’s it like to be a stay-at-home mum? For me, monotonous. I love my family, and I love being at home with them, but it is very repetitive and sometimes mind-numbing. And on the other hand, it’s the best job in the world. I’ve been able to watch William grow and achieve all his first milestones, and I’ve been able to watch Lily become a proper little grown up (at the ripe old age of 6 no less.) I can plan activities with them and take them out, and we look forward to Daddy’s days off where we can have fun altogether. But as I said, it’s not always a walk in the park for me.
I might sound selfish for saying so, but I need “me time,” time to remember who I was pre-children. A time before I was constantly tired 24/7. A time when my name was just ‘Becky.’ I know there will be people out there who disagree with what I’m saying and they’ll blast the whole, “there are people who would do anything to be in your position and have a family!” etc etc, but I am only human. Yes my kids will always come first no matter what, and I will (and do) batter down the negativity and get on with it, but I need time to realise I am more than just a maid, or a cook, or a cleaner, or a chauffer. I still have potential to make something of my life.
Since becoming a mum I’ve ambled along, and honestly, I don’t like it. I’ve become lazy and unmotivated to do, well anything really. It’s absolutely nothing that the kids have done, I’ve just fallen into a pit of comfortable living I suppose…I’ve let tiredness rule over me, but now I want to find something to push myself, I want to do more than just plod along in the world, and I want to be a better person for my children. Right now, William is only one, so I know it’s all about playing the waiting game – I’m only young too really. I still have time to conquer what I want, I suppose I just need to find a little something to motivate me each day.
I think part of the problem of being a SAHM is that, unless you have a connection of other mums (whether they’re SAHM or working mums) it can leave you feeling quite alone. You friends pre-baby are busy with their child-free lives, working, travelling – whatever, and they just don’t really have time for you anymore, and they aren’t really interested in hearing about your babies bowel movements (which is currently my #1 topic I like to discuss!) And when you can meet up, it’s 8pm on a Monday night, by which point I’m already in my PJ’s and halfway into bed! It’s about finding a balance, and having the courage to make some new “mummy friends” which I think would benefit me greatly!So…anyone from the Norfolk area looking for a friend? I’m here!
But being a SAHM isn’t all doom and gloom! I love knowing that I am always going to be there for the kids, I am their constant, their rock. I love having a routine during school time, and I love being readily available for them. – Lily’s poorly? I can look after her at home. Forgotten PE kit/homework? I can run it back to school. They want a cuddle? I’m right here. I honestly commend working-mums, because I don’t know how you do it. With the 3am wake-up calls and the 7am starts, I just about function on a daily basis. How on earth do you find the energy? (Please share your secret!)
I realise I’ve been a bit of a negative nancy in this post, but I do honestly love being with my family, and I do love having all the free time out of school to be able to go places and do things! – Just waiting for the weather the brighten up now. And after all that, I still wouldn’t change a thing. I love what I do, and I will find motivation in me to get off my butt and become the person I want to be!
So, I’ll leave it there for now. I feel much better for having written this. I hope in a few months I can write another post and have a complete 180 on it!